The Red Car Trap (A Satire)

Satirisk Eventyr (11.Okt.2017) Hello Everyone, my name is Pete. The other day I met my old friend George while loafing on FiolStreet here in downtown Copenhagen.

Greeting me warmly after rather a long break in our normally quite frequent encounters he asked me to join him for a cup of coffee in a nearby café.

Which I gladly agreed to not least on account he indicated he had a curious incident to relate.

An interesting tidbit, is true, although perhaps not easy to retell fairly and squarly. I’ill do my best, though, so please bear with me.

George has an old friend who is a successful businessman with several nice stores in downtown Copenhagen. His name is Alfred.

Alfred has a young, clever manager named Fred, and one of the store managers is named Herbert.

There had previously been some talks between Alfred and my friend George about G. buying Alfred’s old – but really very nicely preserved – red automobile.

Now, one recent, sunny friday afternoon George happens to encounter Alfred and his young store manager Herb outside one of their stores.

Al: Hello, George, how are you? And by-the-way, what about that old car of mine? Interested?

George: Well, maybe and maybe not. I might want to use the car a day or two to try it out. Could that be arranged?

A: But sure, no problem, we can fix that. Just give Herb a call a couple of days before you want it. Right, Herb?

H: Sure, no problem.

G: I might want it thursday next, but all right, I’ll give you a call, Herb.

Next monday noon G. calls an old friend on Funen, who is living alone in a solitary country house. They agree on a visit one week later.

(That same evening G. discovers his telephone for some curious reason is blocked for outgoing calls. He can, however, receive calls.)

In the meantime the store managers have been busy, and monday evening Fred calls Herb:

F: Hi Herb, listen up. I just got a call from Central, you know out in Hellerup. They told me they had intercepted a call from this sucker G. who wants our car.

They said he had made an appointment with a friend in Funen for wednesday next week. That gives us about a week to fix things.

Herb: But he told Al and me he might want the car this thursday?

Fred: I know, I know – but please listen carefully to what I’m telling you. My friends in Central keep close tabs on everything that jerk G. does and they know for sure he has made an appointment on Funen for said wednesday.

Which means he’ll probably want to fetch the car tuesday next week in the afternoon. Am I clear?

Herb: Sure boss, all right.

F: Good. Now listen up. Central wants to have unhindered access to the car in a repair shop at least abt. six hours. So here is what you do.

You tell this dumb sucker G. you want the car on, say, thursday. Dont ask him, just tell him! Got that? Send him a SMS, better don’t talk to him at all.

Herb: All right, boss, I understand.

F: You just tell him, and also Alfred, you need to go to, say, Aarhus on important business. That will give our experts time to literally take the car apart and put it all together again.

Of course you have to do without the car as soon as you arrive in Aarhus, when our people take over. Don’t worry about what my men do with it, it will probably be just a few GPS-chips installed and perhaps a few alterations to the motor, brakes and steering. Just to make sure it won’t last too long and won’t respond too fast to the brakes, and so on.

Probably they will also install a few remote controlled switches to enable sudden motor stops on lonely stretches, and the like. You get the picture.

Our men will tell you when you can pick up the car again, in the meantime you are free to do whatever you want. Just be careful not to call anyone here on our premises. Sure you got all that?

Herb: Absolutely, no problem at all Fred. I’ill send this dumb twat a SMS first thing i the morning.

Fred: Great. But remember, just do what I tell you, and you will be sitting pretty. I can tell you for sure, our people out in Central are really fed up with this dumb peasent twerp. They really want to again teach him one good lesson.

Herb: Sure Fred, trust me. I’m all set.

Such, or very nearly so, was the story as related to me by my friend George.

But Hey, I asked George, did you ever get around to using the car, to try it out?

G: No, not at all. Frankly I became suspicious when advised by Herb. he had to use the car precisely said thursday I had given preliminary notice about.

Off hand I could mainly see two possible scenarios. Either he wanted to provoke my anger – and whoever would endeavour to buy a used car from someone that perhaps wanted to hurt you, to provoke your anger?

Alternatively someone may have told him I only needed the car 8 days later. And of course you also don’t want to buy a used car from someone that illegally had your phone tapped? So – no dice.

Yes, George, I can see your point. But what about your friend Alfred. What’s his story?

G: Frankly I’m a bit worried about Al. Seems to me he is slipping, may be loosing control? I certainly don’t hope the Mob contrieves to steal his business from under his eyes. Although they eventually just may, that is if he don’t sharpen up.

But thanks for the coffee, Pete, nice to chat with you again, I have to be scuttling along. Good day!

Bye now, George, have a nice day!



NOTA BENE: All named persons in the above satire are entirely fictitious.